As you all know I have been doing a lot of pondering lately. Mostly about the changes I want to make in my life and the stuff I could be doing to feel better as a person. From all this pondering I have come to a few conclusions.....
Some people ( no matte how long they have been in your life, how many pinkie promises you've made to e beat friends forever which then graduated to drunken cry fests about how we will never not be friends) will not be in your life forever. People change in my case I got married moved 2000 miles away and had a baby. I am just in a different place in life then most of my friends and it shows in every day conversation. I no longer want to hear about you hooking up with the mchottie college boy in the bathroom while your boyfriend is right down the hall. And I couldn't give two shits about how you woke up in the backseat of some random dudes pickup. That is no longer my life and never will be again. I traded it all in for changing diapers, sleepless nights, and an almost absent sex life. Although some of my friends understand that I am truly happy with all of that.
I need to quit my job! I was a much happier sane person when I was a stay at home mommy!! I love that I have the opportunity to stay home with cailey when so many others don't have that chance and I am missing out. It hurts me when I get to daycare and am told that cailey started clapping today has she done that before? And I look at my beautiful baby and want to cry because I missed that I missed her clapping after working with her for so long on it. I need to quit my job and be a stay at home mommy because I miss her too much when I'm not there and I don't want to miss the big things!!
I need to go to school! I know I just said I needed to quit my job but I also want to start school. I got a call about a CNA class starting in my area soon which is a step under my ultimate goal of nursing. I won't attempt nursing school till cailey starts school so I have some time but I think if I can scrape together the money I am going to do it. It's only two days a week and I could get a much better job after if I did want to work.
Something/someone else in my life. I have decided that a faith in god would fill that need for something. I truly believe that by me committing myself to god I will feel better about myself and my life. I am going to start going to church until I find the one that makes me understand why I need god and then I am going to commit my self to him. This is a very big step for me as I have never been gungho about the whole church thing. I have always felt that the world didn't need religion and hated being preached to about how I needed god in my life. But now in my heart I feel I need something and I am going to just do it.
Marriage is hard. Lately my marriage has been quite the challenge. With never getting to see my husband I begin to wonder if being a single mother would just be easier. It helps it argument that I have been scolded yes scolded about housework by not only my husband but his friend who lives in our basement. I do not need to be treated like I am five seriously do not bark orders at me. The world has been against eric and I since day one I am just praying we can make it through all of this.
I want another baby. This conclusion is one I have been thinking of for a few months now. I am yearning to get pregnant. Eric never ever wants anymore babies he even without telling me went and tried to get a vasectomy. We will be having another baby be can count on it! the only reason I haven't started trying yet is I am worried about what people would say. How sad is that, that I am too insecure that I cant have another baby because I am worried about how I'd look. As of right now I am planning to get my IUD out the day after by 21st birthday, but if this baby fever doesn't break it may be sooner.
My last and final conclusion is that yard sales are the bomb!! Seriously!! I spent two hrs lawnsaling today and found myself two books by my favorite author a brand new pair of baby converse all stars for cailey an activity table for her, an Elmo remote, and a steering wheel toy for her all for under 10 bucks woo hoo!!! Gotta love a bargain!
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Aww... Meggy! It's like you're growing up before our very eyes! You certainly are not the girl I met a year ago. You are so damn adorable!
ReplyDeleteAnyhow. Who doesn't like a good yardsale? All though I can't say I've ever came out of one as successful as you since I was pregnant with Kyra. But it was nice while it lasted!
And the baby thing? I told Jer he would get to have free sex whenever he wanted. He was so excited he didn't bother to read the fine print that says once the two pink lines appear, life goes back to normal!
Most of the parents I've ever talked sex with all seem to say about the same thing... sex is rare when the babies are little b/c we're so damned exhausted all the time. But by the time they hit preschool age and you don't have to be on their heels every 3 seconds, your exhaustion level seems to lift.
Hang in there girl. You're a smart puppy, have a good hubby (when he pulls his head out of his ass- jer has trouble with that some days/weeks too!), and life seems to be going well for you. Even when your house is dirty!