what love is.......
love to me is the feeling i feel right now only for my daughter... waking up every morning wondering how she is if shes okay if she realizes how unhappy her mommy is.... i love her with every inch of my flesh and will until the end of time..... i will never fall out of love with her ever its not even possible........
but with her daddy.... its different.... it will always be different...i love him for making her with me... but when i go to sleep next to him at night and wake up with him in the morning its not the same.... not anymore.... and it hurts.... it hurts me to not feel what i felt with him just months before.... i really want there to be room enough in my heart to love more then just cailey but there isnt at this point in time.... and this is why
i want another baby..... right now... i want two little human beings who love me more then anything in thsi world... and he doesnt ever want another one... EVER.... he wont even discuss it ever.... he also scolds me like im his child... he gives me rules.... he monitors everything i do... i am in prison on a daily basis..... AND I FEEL BAD FOR FEELING THIS WAY.... like i am dishonering him
ajdhksdfdklfdklkfj
anyone wanna impregnate me????????????????
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
how much more can I take......
What would you do...........
IF YOUR HUSBAND WAS A COMPLETE AND TOTAL ASSHOLEEEEEEEEEEE
99.9% of the time
My heart tells me to divorce his ass
My head tells me I am 100% against divorce and to seek counseling
ahjasfhjksdfhhajshfjsfdh
That is how I feel... helpless and alone and just over all bored!!!!
BOREDDDDDDDDDD
How can i be bored i am busy from the time i wake up until Cailey is tucked safely in bed at night!! Then the battle with hubby begins until he goes to bed super early leaving me to drown my sorrows in ice cream, popcorn, or booze whatever fits for drowning the fight we had that night.
I am too damn young for this and just want out!!!
IF YOUR HUSBAND WAS A COMPLETE AND TOTAL ASSHOLEEEEEEEEEEE
99.9% of the time
My heart tells me to divorce his ass
My head tells me I am 100% against divorce and to seek counseling
ahjasfhjksdfhhajshfjsfdh
That is how I feel... helpless and alone and just over all bored!!!!
BOREDDDDDDDDDD
How can i be bored i am busy from the time i wake up until Cailey is tucked safely in bed at night!! Then the battle with hubby begins until he goes to bed super early leaving me to drown my sorrows in ice cream, popcorn, or booze whatever fits for drowning the fight we had that night.
I am too damn young for this and just want out!!!
Thursday, July 2, 2009
the heart of the matter
Soo I havent blogged in like umpteen weeks so here we go with the excuses and a very disorganized blog...
Hubby went for training in CT and took the "good" laptop leaving me with my piece of crap one, a sick baby, and a needy roomie.
I have been working 17 hours a week and in school for 14 and trying to play single mommy the rest of the hours in the week.
Hubby smashed my phone because i told him to shut up. NO JOKE!!! I told him to shut up and he smashed my beloved iphone on the floor. BASTARD!!!
All we do is fight. LITERALLLY ALL WE DO IS FIGHT!!!!!!! I get along better with Mike... which makes him even more mad! I cannot win and refuse to try anymore!!!
Had my first patient die... It was sad and I wasnt there for it but my heart goes out to her family. It is weird that i was one of the last people to have contact with her.
My debit card is brooooooooken will not swipe therefore we have had no groceries for 3 weeks while eric was gone ha!
My car has been in the shop for a week and a half with no estimated date of return. It is basically effed and is most likely gonna cost lots and lots of money to fix.
The washing machine has been broken for a month now and the damn laundrymat costs wayy to damn much so i do laundry as a last resort and pray we do not get dirty during the day.
Island in the Pacific! Next place to move as of last tuesday. Hubby doesnt want me to go with him wow i feeeel soooooo loved...
Overall I am a kick ass mommy, student, caregiver, daughter, sister, and friend BUT WIFEHOOD SUCKSSSS BIG POPCICLES!!!!!!!!
off to work :)
Hubby went for training in CT and took the "good" laptop leaving me with my piece of crap one, a sick baby, and a needy roomie.
I have been working 17 hours a week and in school for 14 and trying to play single mommy the rest of the hours in the week.
Hubby smashed my phone because i told him to shut up. NO JOKE!!! I told him to shut up and he smashed my beloved iphone on the floor. BASTARD!!!
All we do is fight. LITERALLLY ALL WE DO IS FIGHT!!!!!!! I get along better with Mike... which makes him even more mad! I cannot win and refuse to try anymore!!!
Had my first patient die... It was sad and I wasnt there for it but my heart goes out to her family. It is weird that i was one of the last people to have contact with her.
My debit card is brooooooooken will not swipe therefore we have had no groceries for 3 weeks while eric was gone ha!
My car has been in the shop for a week and a half with no estimated date of return. It is basically effed and is most likely gonna cost lots and lots of money to fix.
The washing machine has been broken for a month now and the damn laundrymat costs wayy to damn much so i do laundry as a last resort and pray we do not get dirty during the day.
Island in the Pacific! Next place to move as of last tuesday. Hubby doesnt want me to go with him wow i feeeel soooooo loved...
Overall I am a kick ass mommy, student, caregiver, daughter, sister, and friend BUT WIFEHOOD SUCKSSSS BIG POPCICLES!!!!!!!!
off to work :)
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