Thursday, August 27, 2009

i officially suck at blogging

ok so i havent written in forever so here is what has been going down......


Cailey turned 1!!!! My baby girl is 1. I kept another human being alive for a whole year! GO ME!!! She also just started walking. Only 4 or 5 steps at a time but it is still walking another milestone down so i dont have to worry and compare her to other kids her age.



I just finished my class THANK THE LORD that it is over because i was getting exhausted and really really missed my baby. plus daycare is waaaayyyy to damn expensive. I am also going and putting my notice in to work tomorrow. I need time for me and Cailey. I missed the stay at home mommy thing while i was in my whirlwind of school and work. And even though i really want to start next september i will robably wait until cailey is in school before I go to nursing school. Right now i need to be home with her teaching her things and bringing her to the park and just enjoying every moment i can.

It seems like she has grown up over night and i hardly recognize her sometimes. Her vocabulary isnt as great as i want it to be I need to step up and make her talk. She says muma, eyes, dada, and something that sounds like cat. she blows kissies now its so cute if u blow her one she uses the back of her hand and makes a noise i guess she thinks sounds like lips smacking and blows u a kiss now she also does the same thing when she directly kisses you to. I have an affectionate child and i love it.

On the whole relationship thang.... marriage in my opinion is the worst thing ever. Did you know that no matter what you are stuck with this person until you fork over the money and file for divorce. WELL YOU ARE!!! Basically things have just been in a downward spiral. I am sick of it and cannot deal with it anymore. I also can not be around a guy who will scream at his wife in front of his child. She deserves better. My plan is to go stay at my parents house for a little while maybe he will come around and if not I am gone. I suggested marriage counseling and he isnt oen to it so i dont know what can save us now??? We did go out as a family one day a few weeks ago. To a trolley museum... how exciting!!!














Sunday, July 12, 2009

ellohveeeee

what love is.......

love to me is the feeling i feel right now only for my daughter... waking up every morning wondering how she is if shes okay if she realizes how unhappy her mommy is.... i love her with every inch of my flesh and will until the end of time..... i will never fall out of love with her ever its not even possible........

but with her daddy.... its different.... it will always be different...i love him for making her with me... but when i go to sleep next to him at night and wake up with him in the morning its not the same.... not anymore.... and it hurts.... it hurts me to not feel what i felt with him just months before.... i really want there to be room enough in my heart to love more then just cailey but there isnt at this point in time.... and this is why

i want another baby..... right now... i want two little human beings who love me more then anything in thsi world... and he doesnt ever want another one... EVER.... he wont even discuss it ever.... he also scolds me like im his child... he gives me rules.... he monitors everything i do... i am in prison on a daily basis..... AND I FEEL BAD FOR FEELING THIS WAY.... like i am dishonering him

ajdhksdfdklfdklkfj

anyone wanna impregnate me????????????????

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

how much more can I take......

What would you do...........

IF YOUR HUSBAND WAS A COMPLETE AND TOTAL ASSHOLEEEEEEEEEEE

99.9% of the time


My heart tells me to divorce his ass

My head tells me I am 100% against divorce and to seek counseling

ahjasfhjksdfhhajshfjsfdh

That is how I feel... helpless and alone and just over all bored!!!!

BOREDDDDDDDDDD

How can i be bored i am busy from the time i wake up until Cailey is tucked safely in bed at night!! Then the battle with hubby begins until he goes to bed super early leaving me to drown my sorrows in ice cream, popcorn, or booze whatever fits for drowning the fight we had that night.

I am too damn young for this and just want out!!!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

the heart of the matter

Soo I havent blogged in like umpteen weeks so here we go with the excuses and a very disorganized blog...


Hubby went for training in CT and took the "good" laptop leaving me with my piece of crap one, a sick baby, and a needy roomie.

I have been working 17 hours a week and in school for 14 and trying to play single mommy the rest of the hours in the week.

Hubby smashed my phone because i told him to shut up. NO JOKE!!! I told him to shut up and he smashed my beloved iphone on the floor. BASTARD!!!

All we do is fight. LITERALLLY ALL WE DO IS FIGHT!!!!!!! I get along better with Mike... which makes him even more mad! I cannot win and refuse to try anymore!!!

Had my first patient die... It was sad and I wasnt there for it but my heart goes out to her family. It is weird that i was one of the last people to have contact with her.

My debit card is brooooooooken will not swipe therefore we have had no groceries for 3 weeks while eric was gone ha!

My car has been in the shop for a week and a half with no estimated date of return. It is basically effed and is most likely gonna cost lots and lots of money to fix.

The washing machine has been broken for a month now and the damn laundrymat costs wayy to damn much so i do laundry as a last resort and pray we do not get dirty during the day.

Island in the Pacific! Next place to move as of last tuesday. Hubby doesnt want me to go with him wow i feeeel soooooo loved...

Overall I am a kick ass mommy, student, caregiver, daughter, sister, and friend BUT WIFEHOOD SUCKSSSS BIG POPCICLES!!!!!!!!

off to work :)

Monday, June 8, 2009

Love free picture coupons

So picture people sends me coupons for a free portrait at least twice a month so i get new pics at least once a month usually. Could be why cailey loves cameras and poses whenever she gets the chance

anyways....

today i got pictures done for her birthday invites...

take a look














and just for fun i got a few of us together....





let me know what you think

Friday, June 5, 2009

if you are a good girl all year.....

Your husband will call you and ask you to meet him at your favorite chinese restaurant. When you get there he will be hinding something behind his back. You won't question it and will sit down at the table to eat. He will slide something under the table and you will promptly tell him to stop kicking you! He will do it again and you will look down and see a huge gift bag. In this gift bag there will be a box and in that box there will be this......




You will then say OMG its sooo cute why did you get me this! He will say for your birthday silly!

I totally forgot my birthday haha but love my new bag!! Eric is def a keeper!!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

multitasking OPRAH style

so i am officially as of today a wifey, mommy, employee, and a student!!!!

BUSY BUSY BUSY

Here is My schedule for the rest of the summer

MONDAY work
TUESDAY work
WEDNESDAY class
THURSDAY work
FRIDAY work

and that's only until my clinicians start which are 3 days a week

what have i gotten my self into